Why It Would Suck to Be a Zombie
October 29th, 2008 by timbotron
(excerpts below)
• People mistake you for Steve Buscemi.
• You smell a little like beef jerkey.
• All bad smells get blamed on you.
• Moaning: People always hang-up on you thinking it’s an obscene phonecall.
• Everyone asks you if you can dance like that “Thriller” video.
• BRAINS never shows up on the Dollar Value Menu at McDonald’s.
• Formaldehyde is expensive, but mouthwash doesn’t quite cut it anymore.
• Lysol doesn’t get rid of maggots.
• Dicks with torches and chainsaws.
• Your health insurance rates suck.
• The I.R.S. doesn’t consider “cannibalistic undead” as “self employed.”
• Friends only invite you over when they’re throwing a Halloween party.
• Cruel pranks: When you pass out at a friend’s party and wake up in the morgue.
